Well I was bored so I was filling out surveys tonight on myspace. I enjoy answering surveys on here sometimes. Helps me pass the time. On one of them, a question I answered was if you had the chance to go back and change anything in your past would you? Not quite sure if that was the exact wording but it was along those lines.
My answer to that is no, I would not go back and change anything if I had the chance. Why you might ask. Simple. Because if I did go back and change things in my past, it would change my whole future. The things I went through, as tough as they were, made me the strong person I am today. So back then my dreams might have been a little different. However, if I went back and changed things, then people that I have met today I wouldn't be friends with since I would never have had the opportunity to meet them. I wouldn't know I had the gift of writing because back then my dream was to be a basketball player and make it to a Division 1 college on a full scholarship. I never would have guessed that I was a good writer.
Although some things are bad such as the abuse I went through and the divorce I am going through, everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we are not sure what the reason is. In fact, sometimes it may take us awhile to realize or see the meaning behind what happened to us. I know that the abuse I went through helped prepare me to help other abuse victims and survivors out there who live in silence everyday. Yes, it was bad, it was tragic, it left emotional scars. But I took what happened to me, I learned from it, and I use it to help me in my writing and help me reach out to others. Now, if I went back and changed all that, who knows where I would be right now and what I would be doing. I wouldn't be the same person I am today if I went back and changed things in my past. So many things would be different.
Sure there are times I wonder what it would have been like had my mom left my dad and had I have not suffered the abuse I did. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like had I not gotten burned out in basketball and stuck with it. I wonder what it would have been like had I have stayed with my first love and not run off because I got scared of my feelings. However, what good is it for me to dwell on these things when they didn't turn out the way I expected and there's nothing I can do to go back and change them? Besides, just because I think I might would have wanted things to turn out differently doesn't mean it would have been the best for me over all. The road I'm on in life is the one I want to be on. Rather then think about what I don't have, I take what I do have and make the most out of it. Let me say, I am comfortable and happy with who I am. I don't want to be anyone else. I don't want to live a different life.
So no I wouldn't go back and change my past. My past made me who I am today. Just because you start out on one road doesn't mean that you won't find yourself traveling a different path later on. You have to choose what path is best for you. If the one you are on is not taking you anywhere and is only holding you back, then it's time to find a new road in life to travel. I started out thinking I would do other things in life and ended up taking another path that led me here where I am today. But in every situation you find yourself in, keep a positive attitude and make the best out of it. You never know where you'll end up in life but as long as you listen to your heart and follow it, you will never fail.
I'm learning how to listen to my heart and follow it. I may have lost people along the way, but I gained new friends who are there for me every step of the way. I can't imagine what my life would be like without them there. So don't dwell on what your life could have been like. Focus on what your life is like right now and use what you have to get you where you want to be. Life is an adventure and sometimes you got to take chances and risks. Don't fear change for it can be a good thing. Your past prepared you for your future. Take what you learned and apply it now to your life. It will help you get a new start. So yeah that's my thought on why I wouldn't go back and change my past.
This is another bulletin that I decided to put in a blog as I find it very helpful. Often times I think that people who have not gone through abuse don't exactly know how to handle what their loved one who has been abused has gone through. So this bulletin is very helpful for those who know someone who has been abused to read in order to know how to help them out. Thanks Stop Abuse Ministries for posting this bulletin.
Helping a survivor of abuseIt is important for a survivor of abuse to be listened to, and believed, whether they have recently been abused, or are talking about events that happened some time ago, for example, in their childhood.This bulletin aims to give some helpful information on how to respond if you are in the situation where a family member, partner or friend has just started speaking out about their own experience of childhood abuse.Do Not ...Do not tell them to forget about it. Do not say "it happened a long time ago, why does it suddenly bother you now?" Healing can take time and some people block or try to forget traumatic events. This is a way of coping with what has happened. Remembering can be triggered by events such as the birth of a baby, a TV program, marriage, changing job, starting a new relationship, death of an abuser etc.Do not ask them why they did not fight back. People can freeze when confronted with a terrifying situation.Do not ask why they did not say anything sooner. If it happened when they where young they may have tried to tell but were ignored or disbelieved. Most people do try to tell someone at some time.Do not tell them what to do. They need to be in control of their own decisions about matters that affect them. You can help them to explore options that are available to them.Do not pressure them into doing, or talking about things they are not ready to face. When they are ready they will speak.How Can I Help?LISTEN - to what s/he has to say and let her/him take their time. It might not be easy for them to start talking about an event that they have kept silent about for a long time. It may be difficult because they may have been told not to tell by the abuser at the time.BELIEVE- people rarely lie about abuse . Why would they? It is important to believe what they are saying.RESPECT - both their feelings and decisions. If they feel like crying, let them, it can be part of her /his healing process.REMEMBER - it is not her/his fault. No one asks to be abused and s/he cannot be blamed for not preventing the abuse. The blame lies with the abuser.RECOGNIZE- the courage it takes for a survivor to speak must be recognized and praised. It takes a great deal of courage to face up to fears and also to talk about any abuse experience.What about Sexual Contact?If it is your partner that has just remembered some past abuse which s/he has blocked out, s/he may find sexual and intimate contact difficult. It is important to realize that it is not nothing to do with you - it is to do with the feelings and memories s/he has. Reassure her/him and let them take things at their own pace. With your help, patience and understanding, s/he can heal from the trauma.What About my Feelings?The feelings you are experiencing are justified, but may add to the upset for the survivor. S/he may feel responsible for upsetting you. Seek support from a trusted friend, family member or your GP
I have decided that I like living the simple life. Ok, in my life right now I am going through some tough times. I've hit some rocky places. But over all, I think that I enjoy being who I am and living this life I have been given.
There were times in life that I wanted to give up and quit. There were times that I felt nobody cared about what I was going through and I kept to myself. But I am finding out the reasons why I am glad to be alive. One is my friends. I have so many wonderful, close friends that really support me in life. They encourage me in my dreams, they are my light during those dark times, they've given me wings to fly, they listen to me vent, offer great advice, and the list goes on. Bottom line, I really love my friends. The next reason I can think of is my older brother Michael. Michael is the number one guy in my life. He's not only my brother who has always been there for me during everything I've gone through but he is also my best friend. I couldn't ask for a better brother then him. Then I have my cousin Valerie who is so much like a sister to me. Not every cousin will talk to you at like midnight while you spill out your problems to them :).
It's interesting to see how much my life has changed and where it has taken me. When I was younger, I was a nobody. Well, I don't want to say that I was a nobody, but I wasn't popular at all. If I was popular, it was only because I was really good at basketball. People didn't really like me for the person I was. Back then, though, I didn't like me for who I was either. I struggled with a low self-esteem and hated the pain I went through every single day. I wanted to be someone, become famous one day so that people would actually notice me and like me. But I found out that popularity is not everything. I didn't go out looking for popularity. The times I have been popular have brought alot more drama in my life because people put me up too high and expect great things out of me sometimes. I don't want people putting me way up high. I am an average ordinary woman trying to help others. I'm just like everyone else, I go through tough times too and struggle with things from time to time.
I like living the simple life. Sure, right now, it may seem that I am barely living and barely getting by. I know though that my personality takes me far and people open up to me because I don't try to impress others. I am not the type of person who has to dress in the latest fashion, or have a million friends, or have tons of money, or anything like that to be happy. Those things won't make you happy in life. I hold onto the important things in life that last forever: real friendships, love, happiness, peace, helping others, etc. I'm tired of comparing myself to others all the time, thinking they have something over me when they don't. It took me awhile to gain self-confidence that I am beautiful, special, important, that my personality sets me apart from everyone else. Now when I look in the mirror, I see a fighter and survivor who has beat alot of odds in her life.
One of my friends the other day told me that when friends go over to his house, they actually pick up my first book and read it. He said that they always say that it is good and that I'm deep and intelligent. I'm really surprised that my writing has touched so many people; people I dont even know. I'm glad I didnt give up writing even after a teacher assistant at my highschool when I was in 9th grade, told me to stick with writing things I knew, like butterflies and rainbows. I'm glad I didn't listen to my parents who constantly told me I was worthless, retarded and stupid. I'm glad i never listened to those people who tried to discourage me from my dreams in life. I am finally finding my purpose and calling in life. It is to keep writing to help others. I eventually want to start my own business, maybe be a mentor for others out there and help out abuse victims and survivors.
Abuse is one subject that I honestly believe does not get enough attention that it should get. So many people don't want to believe that abuse is real; they just want to sit there and deny it, accusing victims of making it up. As a result, so many of us live our lives in silence, feeling the emotional pain and torture everyday. That is why I want to reach out to others. I came across a comment the other day that was so good. The original comment had said something about we build up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to climb over them. Well then that comment is crossed out and it says Oh Yeah? Life is too short to have walls so reach out to everyone and see who cares enough to reach back. That is so true. Life is too short to build these walls up. Most people don't want to sit there and climb over walls. Walls seem to only drive people off. See, that is one reason why we are so lonely in life, I think. We don't take the chance to reach out to others. If we would, we would find alot of people out there who are willing to help and be there for us. Building walls hurts us more then helps us. It keeps good people from getting to us. So why we are trying to protect ourselves, at the same time, we are hurting ourselves by blocking out the good people who are out there.
I don't mind this simple life I live. I know in the end, I will always find a way to make it for I have real friends who are there to help and who care about me. I like who I am. I make people feel better about themselves and give them hope and faith in life. That to me is priceless. Knowing I have made a difference in people's lives is something that is truly indescribable. I'll take the simple life any day over the life filled with popularity and fame.
